So its Thursday again, and Bro Dapo came for bible study looking stunning, you’d think he was going to a party. He had on a white polo shirt, deep blue jeans, stunner shades, complete with an omega constellation wristwatch.
As soon as he entered the parking lot in his 2007 BMW 760Li sedan, sister Kunbi saw him pulling up. Quickly she assessed him, he looked loaded and smart. She walked up to him and started chatting him up, making sure they entered the church auditorium together, and sat right next to him.
She had it all calculated down right to a “t”. She had seen those other sisters fawning over him last Sunday, and she was staking her claim! When they see them ‘together’, they would already assume that they were together, and the coast would be clear for her!
Sister Bimpe was the one leading Bible study that Thursday, and incidentally, the topic was “Living in Holiness”. She could not help noticing when Bro Dapo walked in with Sister Kunbi. That Sister Kunbi, she had started again! She knew of her former reputation with men, and she could not help wondering what games she was up to, she had to concentrate on the topic at hand…
“…Without Holiness, no man can see God, You have to be holy in all manner of living. Seduction, fornication, and the like should not be part of a Christian’s life…”
She hoped Sister Kunbi heard that part.
“… Let us open our Bibles to Obadiah 1:17″, Dapo quickly swiped his iPad and stood up to read, ” Obadiah 1 v17, but on Mount Zion, there shall be deliverance, and Holiness, and the house of Jacob shall possess their possessions.”
“Did we all hear that? There shall be holiness, before you can possess your possession…”
Sister Kunbi couldn’t be fazed, it seemed as if that heifer was directing her sermon at her, she hadn’t even done anything wrong, and she had only walked in with the poor guy, abeg ! Speaking of poor, the guy looked anything but poor! e be like say the guy dey loaded, this was her miracle on the way, and she’d be damned if any Sister Bimpe or whatever they called her would rob her of her miracle jare .
Somehow Sister Bimpe has worked the Proverbs 31 woman into her bible study exposition on holiness. The more she went on, the more Kunbi was certain that this whole exposition was a sub at her.
After Bible study, Bro Dapo walked up to Sister Bimpe, and started chatting her up, “That was a very nice exposition of the topic you did there. I liked the way you carefully explained everything about Living in Holiness. I was very blessed”.
“Thanks, you know you just have to leave it to the Holy Spirit to speak through you whenever you teach, and before you know it, people are being blessed, I was very glad to see that you could make it to Bible study today, infact, I was impressed”.
“C’mon, you know faith comes by hearing and I need to increase my faith, I have decided to start worshipping here permanently, I can feel the presence of the Lord here”.
“That’s very good, I’m so happy for you, did you just move into the area?”
“umn, sure, I’m a realtor, and I just moved into the area, down by Igitolorungbin avenue, I bought the last house on the street when..
“Oh! I know that area, I live just about a mile from there”, sister Bimpe interrupted.
“In that case, can I give you a ride back home, you know since I live closer, cos I overheard the chief usher saying he has to take you home before dropping sister Funke off”
“If it would not be too much of a bother”, sister Bimpe shrugged.
Sister Kunbi came out of the church auditorium just in time to see Bro Dapo and Sister Bimpe drive off. She was just telling Kofo about her new catch, only for that prostitute who calls herself a saint to snatch him right from under her nose!
“Kofo, can you imagine!, I was just going to introduce you to him, but he just left”
“you mean, that guy in the BMW, who was that girl I saw in the passenger’s side?”
pshew!, hissed Sister Kunbi, “It’s your neighbor, ara ile e, asewo oshi (your neighbor, stupid prostitute), is it not Sister Bimpe”
“ehn, ehn”! *claps her hand three times*, can you imagine, didn’t I tell you? She’s just pretending, talking about holiness and all that crap, Bimpe is an experienced husband snatcher!
“kofo, I will disgrace her in this church!, by the time I’m done with her, she would have to move out of this town, emi kunbi ni mo so bee (it’s me Kunbi that said so). Let her ask about me in UniLag, nobody messes with me and gets away with it!”
Kofo is the resident gossip in the church. She always knows what was going on in everybody’s life. Nobody knows how she gets her information, but she was always reliably informed. Rumor has it that she was responsible for the near-break up of the Okonkwos’ marriage.
Mrs Okonkwo had been reliably informed (by Kofo) that her husband was getting busy with an undergraduate on a nearby college campus. Kofo also supplied her with all other pertinent information down to their meeting place, time, etc. Needless to say, she caught him red-handed. To be fair to her, Kofo was also the one who told Sister Margaret that her son was experimenting with drugs. They were able to call the boy to order before it was too late. In short, if you didnt want your business out there, don’t tell it to kofo.
To be continued…
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Weekly Fiction > Thirsty Thursdays (Part 1)
November 16, 2012 • by bumight
“… if you are worshipping with us for the first time, could you signify by raising your hand… Yes we love you with the love of the lord…”.
A young man, easily in his mid thirties stood up from the back, “ my name is Dapo Johnson… .”
Need I say Bro Dapo (he had already officially become a brother) was foine! Tall, dark chocolate looking brother, complete with a dimple whenever he smiled. As normal practice, everyone had to go and shake his hand and greet him. Even more normal was the way all the sisters were falling over themselves to greet him.
“ I hope you enjoyed our service.. ” Sister Ngozi cooed.
“ you are coming for bible study on Thursday right? I can come and get you if you need a ride. .” I could hear sister Kunbi whisper demurely albeit holding on to his hand for a wee bit longer.
“ I’ll try to make it, and thanks sister Kunbi, and yes, I have a ride.” Dapo answered back smiling.
I watched quietly from the corner where I sat, as all this was going on. shameless girls! I know it’s not every time that a foine brother (who claims to love the Lord) walks into church (WITHOUT A SISTER IN TOW), but I couldn’t understand why the sisters were shameless about it, or could I? Well, if you think about it, it wasn’t too difficult to figure out why.
Sister Ngozi started attending our church about two years ago. She had been involved with several men who had inevitably broken her heart, so she had decided to come to church to look for a God-fearing brother who would treat her right.
Sister Kunbi had just graduated from college and was already getting to marriageable age. Rumor has it that she used to date one ariztos who took good care of her. He paid her house rent, phone bills, and even gave her a small but nice Toyota corolla to ‘manage’ around campus.
It was going rosy until katakata burst one day when oga madam cornered her in school and almost beat the living daylights out of her. She ended up in the hospital, if not for God, she almost lost her eyes. It was then that she decided to stop playing this ariztos game, and look for a guy her age or reasonably older who could take care of her.
She had heard that the church was the right place to look, so she had been attending our church for two years now hoping to meet Mr. Right.
Sister Bimpe ‘s story was quite different. She had always been a dedicated member of the church, sister’s co-ord, and a Bible study teacher. Sister Bimpe could easily be summed up as a bible-quoting, tongue-speaking, devil-binding sister who loved the Lord. 50 yards of premium grade wife material.
She’s a member of the choir with an angelic voice, Cece Winans ain’t got nothing on her!, She’s comfortably waiting for her man to ‘receive’ her, and has been praying about it for quite some time. Bro Dapo looked just like the man she dreamt about two weeks ago, so she had a conviction that this could be the answer to her prayers…
To be continued…
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Gold’ust Accessories: Introducing statement jewellery at its finest
November 12, 2012 • by neowryte
Statement accessories have been making a wave lately in the fashion industry. With each unique piece shown on fashion runways to affordable high street stores, it’s fair to say understated accessories have long passed away. Gold’ust accessories have added an eye catching range to their collections fit for any fashionista. See some of their products below:
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Asa Asika: A**hole…nope?, a young Nigerian on the path to greatness…
November 07, 2012 • by Unknown
Posted on November 7, 2012 by plastiq
He used to carry a 1975 afro hair-do that made him look unique. Back then, when he used to frequent Rehab, the club on Victoria Island, he smiled a lot; You obviously would think he’s the Momma’s Boy, the kid who’s got everything working for him, always cheerful and happy. But you wouldn’t know that deep in his head, he was setting himself up for greatness; carrying a responsibility so heavy for his age, still totally unrelenting. His team is presently the youngest to be transversing the shark infested waters of the entertainment industry, yet they seem unstoppable.
He is not Davido, the artiste that he manages but his life must be very complex and extremely busy. Most people believe that he is cousin to the rapper Naeto C. But does that count? He must be related to the boss of Storm Records, Obi Asika? Does it really matter? For the most part, he has a lot going on for him while he is doing all these things alone; without being under anyone’s spotlight. To some, Asa is an egotistic a**hole, to others, he is another proof that you can be whatever you want to be; yes! even as a Nigerian living in Nigeria.
In a few days, Asa will be jetting out to South Africa, in the line of duty. What better time to speak to him than now? Below are the excerpts from our conversation:
I am very age conscious.   How old are you?
I turned 22 in August.
What have you been doing with your life?
A lot mostly entertainment driven, I have been round entertainment all my life, thanks to my Uncle Obi Asika and my older cousin Naeto. I’ve done events, promoted artists, etc. I started doing that when I was about 16.
At your age, you are already an artiste manager, managing one of the hottest artistes in the continent. It is very interesting how you do this, but then what is the voodoo behind your energy?
Laughs)  There is no voodoo or witchcraft behind it. I think when someone does what they like, it just comes naturally. I love what I do and working with Davido and the rest of our team is great. We all know what we want and have the same goals.
Recently, you and your artistes have been touring the world, performing. You guys have been winning awards too. Can you tell us about the countries you’ve visited and what the receptions were like?
We have been lucky enough to perform all over the world in the last 15-16 months. HKN has been to Canada, Malaysia, South Africa, Ghana, Benin Republic, Ireland, Botswana, the UK just to name a few. We have had ups and downs. I really enjoyed the reception and treatment in Malaysia . I never believed that we would run into that many Nigerians out there. Ghana is always crazy!
Many young people in Nigeria know nothing about what they want. Is there a recipe needed to understand oneself to be able to pluck into the future?
I think it comes with the person, I can’t really say. With me I lost my mother when I was only 7 and I’m the first of 3 kids. So I had to grow up a bit faster than most people.
For some time now, I thought that university education elevates man to the highest order. I mean, I still find it appalling that many graduates haven’t even invented themselves and have nothing to do. What is your take on this?
I think it works differently for people. People in Nigeria have Master’s degrees and can’t get decent jobs. So what really is the point? I support education fully and think it’s very important everybody get a certain level of education.
Are you an emotional person?
Yes I am very emotional.
Nigerian universities graduate people every year. And the labour market is completely saturated. However, many people have turned to music as a way to escape the label of ‘unemployed’.  So, every studio is suffused with people struggling to get their voices heard. How do you think they can make themselves unique as musicians? What does it mean to be an artiste manager?
It’s a very demanding job because everything that happens especially the bad gets blamed on you. It is a fun job to me. I love going around promoting the music, the meetings, strategising, etc. You have to have a lot of self control also.
I may need to get personal with you. Are you in a relationship? If not, why? If yes, is it distracting?
No I’m not. I was in one when we started the Davido project but since then I guess I’m just too busy.
I hate to ask people this, because it is very cliché. What advice do you have for young people who want to be like you?
This question is funny to me because I always ask myself why would anyone want to be like me? I think every young person needs to stay grounded, know what they want and go for it. Do not let anyone tell you that you can’t do it.
What is your take on the political system of Nigeria?
It’s a joke to be honest.
Do you see yourself as an activist? Just like others?
Not really.
You’ve travelled to many places in Nigeria. You’ve met quite interesting people. Do you agree that Nigerians should co-exist in one nation?
Yes, I agree we should co-exist in one nation.
Who is your favourite Nigerian musician?
What do you think im going to say? DAVIDO of course. I like a lot of Nigerian music I listen to: Asa, Naeto C, Wizkid, Ice Prince, Sina Rambo, Shank, Femi Kuti, Wande Coal. I listen to a lot of Nigerian music.
How do you unwind?
I used to like going to the club a lot but of recent, I prefer to stay at home and watch movies or play football with the boys.
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