So its Thursday again, and Bro Dapo came for bible study looking stunning, you’d think he was going to a party. He had on a white polo shirt, deep blue jeans, stunner shades, complete with an omega constellation wristwatch.
As soon as he entered the parking lot in his 2007 BMW 760Li sedan, sister Kunbi saw him pulling up. Quickly she assessed him, he looked loaded and smart. She walked up to him and started chatting him up, making sure they entered the church auditorium together, and sat right next to him.
She had it all calculated down right to a “t”. She had seen those other sisters fawning over him last Sunday, and she was staking her claim! When they see them ‘together’, they would already assume that they were together, and the coast would be clear for her!
Sister Bimpe was the one leading Bible study that Thursday, and incidentally, the topic was “Living in Holiness”. She could not help noticing when Bro Dapo walked in with Sister Kunbi. That Sister Kunbi, she had started again! She knew of her former reputation with men, and she could not help wondering what games she was up to, she had to concentrate on the topic at hand…
“…Without Holiness, no man can see God, You have to be holy in all manner of living. Seduction, fornication, and the like should not be part of a Christian’s life…”
She hoped Sister Kunbi heard that part.
“… Let us open our Bibles to Obadiah 1:17″, Dapo quickly swiped his iPad and stood up to read, ” Obadiah 1 v17, but on Mount Zion, there shall be deliverance, and Holiness, and the house of Jacob shall possess their possessions.”
“Did we all hear that? There shall be holiness, before you can possess your possession…”
Sister Kunbi couldn’t be fazed, it seemed as if that heifer was directing her sermon at her, she hadn’t even done anything wrong, and she had only walked in with the poor guy, abeg! Speaking of poor, the guy looked anything but poor! e be like say the guy dey loaded, this was her miracle on the way, and she’d be damned if any Sister Bimpe or whatever they called her would rob her of her miracle jare.
Somehow Sister Bimpe has worked the Proverbs 31 woman into her bible study exposition on holiness. The more she went on, the more Kunbi was certain that this whole exposition was a sub at her.
After Bible study, Bro Dapo walked up to Sister Bimpe, and started chatting her up, “That was a very nice exposition of the topic you did there. I liked the way you carefully explained everything about Living in Holiness. I was very blessed”.
“Thanks, you know you just have to leave it to the Holy Spirit to speak through you whenever you teach, and before you know it, people are being blessed, I was very glad to see that you could make it to Bible study today, infact, I was impressed”.
“C’mon, you know faith comes by hearing and I need to increase my faith, I have decided to start worshipping here permanently, I can feel the presence of the Lord here”.
“That’s very good, I’m so happy for you, did you just move into the area?”
“umn, sure, I’m a realtor, and I just moved into the area, down by Igitolorungbin avenue, I bought the last house on the street when..
“Oh! I know that area, I live just about a mile from there”, sister Bimpe interrupted.
“In that case, can I give you a ride back home, you know since I live closer, cos I overheard the chief usher saying he has to take you home before dropping sister Funke off”
“If it would not be too much of a bother”, sister Bimpe shrugged.
Sister Kunbi came out of the church auditorium just in time to see Bro Dapo and Sister Bimpe drive off. She was just telling Kofo about her new catch, only for that prostitute who calls herself a saint to snatch him right from under her nose!
“Kofo, can you imagine!, I was just going to introduce you to him, but he just left”
“you mean, that guy in the BMW, who was that girl I saw in the passenger’s side?”
pshew!, hissed Sister Kunbi, “It’s your neighbor, ara ile e, asewo oshi (your neighbor, stupid prostitute), is it not Sister Bimpe”
“ehn, ehn”! *claps her hand three times*, can you imagine, didn’t I tell you? She’s just pretending, talking about holiness and all that crap, Bimpe is an experienced husband snatcher!
“kofo, I will disgrace her in this church!, by the time I’m done with her, she would have to move out of this town, emi kunbi ni mo so bee (it’s me Kunbi that said so). Let her ask about me in UniLag, nobody messes with me and gets away with it!”
Kofo is the resident gossip in the church. She always knows what was going on in everybody’s life. Nobody knows how she gets her information, but she was always reliably informed. Rumor has it that she was responsible for the near-break up of the Okonkwos’ marriage.
Mrs Okonkwo had been reliably informed (by Kofo) that her husband was getting busy with an undergraduate on a nearby college campus. Kofo also supplied her with all other pertinent information down to their meeting place, time, etc. Needless to say, she caught him red-handed. To be fair to her, Kofo was also the one who told Sister Margaret that her son was experimenting with drugs. They were able to call the boy to order before it was too late. In short, if you didnt want your business out there, don’t tell it to kofo.
To be continued…